Health and Safety.

Customer **looking a bit drunk**: “Darlin’…. Darlin’….Have you got a bit of tissue I can borrow?”
Me **brandishing a pack of Thirst Pockets** : “Sir, you can HAVE the tissue. I do not require its return.”
Customer **wiping his mouth with said tissue** : “Ah, cheers for that, love. I’ve just thrown up against your bin outside.”