It’s the thought that counts

Customer: *buying world’s tiniest plant, which I am wrapping as per standard* “It’s just….It’s just that…well…” *trails off, looks vaguely pissed off*

Me: “Uhmm?” *expectant face*

Customer: “It’s just that…it’s a present for someone. Could you just.. I mean…”

Me: *in my head* “Could I make it look like you haven’t just spent One pound Fifty?”

Customer: “Well….perhaps just a piece of tissue paper?”

Me: “Sure.” *unwraps perfectly nice paper it’s already in, locates tissue, cuts it to suitable size (postage stamp), re-wraps*

Customer: “And some ribbon?”

Me: “Sure.” *finds ribbon, makes world’s tiniest bow*

Customer: “And put it in a gift bag.”

Me: “I’m afraid the gift bags are two pounds.”

Customer: “I don’t have two pounds.”

Me: “Then you may have this perfectly serviceable plastic bag for free.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t look very nice.”

Me: “Well I’m afraid you’ve already used up your imaginary ‘free gift wrap token’ madam. Next!”

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Hands across the Nations.

7am. 23rd April. *Just walked through the door at work, followed in by a man wanting a buttonhole for St George’s day.  I inwardly cringe, cursing that I will have to spend the whole day making red rose buttonholes for gormless racists, and then tell myself to not to pigeonhole people*

Man: “At least you know what a buttonhole is, love!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Man: “Not like them FUCKING Russians at the other shop!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Man: ” Didn’t speak a word of FUCKING English!”

Me: “Ehrm, They’re Latvian and Polish, I think. I talk to them all the time. In English.”

Man: “Whatever. How much?”

Me: “Five Pounds. Sir.”

Man: “Fucking Liberty, you ask me. FIVE POUNDS???”