How Much?

Bride: “Do you charge for Wedding consultations?”
Me: “Not in the first instance, no. We can usually get most of the points down in one consultation followed up by email and phone.”
Bride: “Haha. No. I would be looking at having at least 8 or so consultations over a period of a few months while I decide what I need…”
Me: **sensing frothing at the mouth Bridezilla madness, ending with me throwing myself off a cliff** “…So as I said, the first one would be free, and after that we would be charging you a consultation fee of £30** per hour”
Me: “I find talking about money really focuses the mind, doesn’t it?”
 **(made up on the spot)

Room for a little one?

Customer: “I just saw a lady come out of the shop with a tiny bouquet”
Me: “Oh, ok?”
Customer: “Yes, it was a tiny bouquet. Really small. No box.”
Me: “Yes, someone did just buy a small bouquet.”
Customer: ” Yes, it was really small. So small. Tiny! I wouldn’t need anything that big. In fact…something smaller. And not in a box.”
Me: “Smaller.”
Customer: “Yes, it really shouldn’t be a big bouquet. A small one.”
Me: “Ok, I can do that for you.”
Customer: “I don’t want a box! God! No box! The person I’m giving it to will only have to carry it around with them…”
Me: (in my head)  ‘How small are their hands??”
Me: **patiently** ” Ok, well the bouquet you saw was fifteen pounds.”
Customer: “FIFTEEN POUNDS! I only need a tiny, tiny, teeeny bouquet…” **
**with no box
….and so it continued.