Do you have the Black Soil?

Customer: “Do you sell earth?”
Me: **holds it up** “Yes we do. It’s four pounds a bag”
Customer “Earth, yes? Soil?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer *leaning in conspiratorially* “Is it….the… Black soil?”
Me *thinks for a second*: “Yes, it’s black.”
Customer: “Not brown? Black?”
Me: “Definitely black.”
Customer: “Black is no good! Snails cannot eat the black earth!”
Me: *deadpan* “Snails.”
Customer: “Oh yes! Snails! They can only eat the brown soil! Not the black soil -you are sure it is black, yes?-“
Me: “Very, Very sure.”
Customer: “But where will I get the special brown soil for my snails?”
Me **searches frantically for non existent panic button**

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